I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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