yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
