I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
