he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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