...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
