Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
