my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
