Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
