Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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