Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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