In the future we'll all be gay
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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