I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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