ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
