i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
