a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
