The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Randomize
