Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
