i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
