We should be called the Road Head Warriors
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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