Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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