I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
