Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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