i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Randomize
