We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
