Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You need Xanax blowdarts
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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