true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
