You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
