I molested 6 butterflies tonight
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
