Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
