Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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