It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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