Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
