I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
