You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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