I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I faked an abortion last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You're like the curious george of whores
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
