I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
