I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
