Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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