Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
