Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
