Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
