Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
