Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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