I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
