I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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