Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
