Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
