I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
