I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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