trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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