The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
