I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
